The End Is Never The End
by Nice1Earnest
Summary: "He-help." Austin rounded the corner, covered in blood. It looked like he'd done it again, his blood-stained arms were trembling. His face was a mask of fear, it was paler than any of them had seen it before. "Help me!" he cried desperately.
1. Chapter 1

Dez sat in the hospital waiting room, wringing his hands and wondering how it all went wrong so fast. He kept replaying everything in his head; it just didn't make any _sense_. Why—how did come to this? What possibly went wrong? He thought things were getting better, but now... He just didn't know. He didn't know anything anymore. His mind was fuzzy, tuning out the real world, trying in vain to figure out what he did wrong, what he could have done better. So many became faintly aware of people talking urgently around him; he looked up in a daze, vision blurry with tears he hadn't known he'd been shedding.

"I think it's the right decision, Mike. What other choice do we have?" Mimi Moon was gripping her husband's hands hand looking at him pleadingly.

Mike looked down. "I know, but...It just doesn't feel _right_, somehow."

"It would be best for him. We have to think about Austin." Mimi sighed, casting a nervous glance toward the hallway where her son was in surgery. She had to convince him that it was the right thing to do, because if she could convince him, she could convince herself. It had to be done.

Mike nodded, his wife was right after all, they had to think of Austin's health first.

"W-what's going on?" Dez choked out, confusion clear on his tear-stained face.

Mike and Mimi exchanged a glance. "Well, Dez," Mimi began, "we were thinking that, in light of the current situation, that we should...um...should..." her gaze dropped nervously. This might be harder than she thought.

Mike squeezed her hand and held Dez's gaze steady, he had to support his wife."We are going to let Austin stay at the...center. Indefinitely."

Dez's eyes widened. Did he hear that right? They were just going to give him away? Really? "But—no! You can't do that, h-he needs you guys, you can't just abandon him there!" Dez exclaimed.

"We're not abandoning him, honey. We're _helping_ him, in the only way we can." Mimi leaned forward and grabbed Dez's hand. "We love Austin more than anything, and we always put his needs first. He needs to be with someone who can help him, and they can."

Dez pulled away from Mimi. "_You _can help him. He needs _you_, not those people." He looked at them pleadingly, "Can't you see that?"

Mike gave Dez a look, "How would you know what's best for _our_ son. Dez, listen to me, this is what's best for Austin."

"I'm his best friend, Mr. Moon. I know what will help him, and it's not _that_ place." Dez insisted.

"He's my son Dez. I know what will help _my_ son." Mike's patience was growing thin.

"Not if you don't listen to _him_. He's been crying out to you! He _needs you_! Please, just hear him out, he doesn't need to go back there. He—" Mike threw up his hand to stop Dez's rant.

"Do not challenge my parenting, Dez. Austin will go back to the center, and he will stay there. You have no say in this matter." Mike glared at the pale red-head in front of him.

"It'll _destroy_ him." Dez whispered, never taking eyes off Mr. Moon's, despite the tears that were again streaming down his cheeks. "Please," he begged. "Please."

Mike looked at Dez with ice-cold eyes. "Austin will be going back to rehab. That's final."

Dez sank back into his chair, his clouded eyes staring at his hands, but seeing nothing. He didn't speak again, the tears silently falling down. He couldn't change their minds, they saw him as an idiot. He'd failed his friend again. How many times did that make? He didn't know, too many. How long would it be before he was actually able to help Austin? It just didn't make sense to him. Austin needs his family, he needs them to love him. Why did they just keep hurting him, and why couldn't they see it? Dez squeezed his eyes shut, but the tears kept falling.

* * *

When Dez finally looked up, he had no idea how much time had passed. He noticed that Mike and Mimi were talking to the doctor, he also noticed all the blood on the doctor's jacket. _Austin's blood._

Mimi noticed Dez looking their way and gave him a reassuring smile. The doctor left and Mike followed, but Mimi came back and sat with Dez.

"He's going to be alright." She smiled again. "He's asleep now, but you can see him after he wakes up."

Dez looked up at her and tried to return her beaming smile. "That's great." He said sincerely. "But..." he looked down.

"What is it, Dez? Mimi asked worriedly.

"Who's gonna tell him...y'know." Dez asked.

Mimi smiled sadly at the distraught boy, "Mike is, sweetheart. You know it _is _for the best. You shouldn't worry so much."

Dez looked away. There was no point in trying to argue with her, she was the one who convinced Mr. Moon that this was a good idea.

"Dez, sweety, I'm going to go see Austin. I'll let you know when you can see him." Mimi smiled and patted Dez on the shoulder as she stood up. Dez continued staring at the floor.

* * *

"He's awake." Mike said as he and Mimi reentered the waiting room. "We've said what we needed to say to him. We're headed home."

Dez looked at Austin's parents. "You're going home?"

"Yes, we'll be back tomorrow," Mike said. "To discuss the details with him." He and Mimi turned and left the hospital, not waiting for Dez's response.

Dez stood and watched them leave, then he hesitantly made his way toward Austin's room. It was hard to get the last image he had of Austin out of his head. There was so much blood. He looked so _dead._ If Dez was honest with himself, he was scared. What if Austin was mad at him? Mad to still be alive. As Dez approached Austin's room, he trembled slightly, fighting back the tears that threatened to spill. He couldn't cry before he even saw Austin. He couldn't.

Dez reached Austin's room and knocked. "Austin? I'm coming in." Dez smiled and opened the door.

"Dez."


	2. Chapter 2

**Hello people of the internet. First off, thanks for the reviews, I definitely wasn't expecting that. **

**Also, there's something I should make clear before continuing. This story takes place prior to Austin and Dez meeting Ally and Trish, so it will mainly focus on the boys' friendship. **

**I forgot a disclaimer in the last chapter, but if I ****_did_**** own Austin and Ally, would I really be writing fan-fiction of it? **

* * *

"Dez." Austin repeated, his eyes wide with astonishment. "You're here."

"'Course I'm here, Austin. Why wouldn't I be?" Dez nearly laughed. Austin sat in a hospital bed, cords connecting him to countless machines. His left arm was covered in bandages, and he was impossibly pale and he looked extremely weak, but he was alive.

"Because I—" Austin gestured helplessly at their surroundings, "y'know." Austin looked down. "I thought you'd..." Austin's voice trailed off.

"What? What did you think I'd do?"

Austin folded his hands in his lap and squeezed his eyes shut. "Hate me," he muttered quietly.

Dez furrowed his brow in confusion, "Austin." He took a step toward the bed, "I could never hate you."

Austin gave Dez a look of disbelief. Dez closed the space between them and pulled Austin in for a hug. Austin hesitated at first, then he gripped Dez hard with his undamaged arm, tears welling in his eyes.

"Why would you think I hate you, Austin?" Dez asked when the hug was over.

"Everyone else does," Austin said bitterly.

"Nobody hates you, Austin. Nobody," Dez bore into Austin with his gaze.

Austin slowly met Dez's gaze, "My parents do," he deadpanned.

Dez shot a look at Austin. "No they don't, Austin, don't ever tell yourself that. They're just scared and confused and not thinking properly. They just...don't know what to do."

"Yeah, me either." Austin looked down. "They're sending me back, Dez. For good." He said quietly.

It was Dez's turn to look down, "I know."

"I'm never gonna get out. Never."

Dez put an arm around Austin's shoulder and pulled him close. Austin leaned on Dez and choked back sobs. Dez knew it was hard for Austin, he hated the rehab center, it made him feel trapped. But Dez didn't know what he could do to help. So he sat there with his hurting best friend, only speaking to comfort Austin as he sobbed into his shirt. Sometime later, neither of them knew how long it had been, a nurse came in to inform Dez that visiting hours were over.

"I'm sorry, Austin. I'm so sorry. I'm gonna try to make this right."

Austin looked at Dez, confused. "What?"

Dez just smiled, "I'll see you tomorrow," and walked out of Austin's room.

* * *

**That's all for now! I hope you enjoyed it. **

**Sorry this chapter was a little short, I didn't want to include the next part in it. **


	3. Chapter 3

**Trigger warning: depression, self-harm. **

* * *

Austin remembered the first time Dez caught him cutting. Austin's parents were working overtime at the mattress store, when Dez came over unexpectedly. Dez had a habit of walking into Austin's house without knocking, which he did that day. When he couldn't find anyone downstairs, he decided to head to Austin's room, he was certain Austin would be there because his skate board was in the front hallway, so Austin must be home. However, Austin's room was empty. Then Dez heard a strange sound coming from the bathroom.

"_Austin?" Dez asked after he heard a muffled groan/cry coming from the bathroom. _

_Dez walked to the bathroom door and knocked. Something crashed to the ground. "Austin? Are you okay?"_

"_F-fine. I'll be out in a minute." Austin's voice was faint, and it sounded pained. _

_Dez sensed that something wasn't right, he tried to open the door and found that it was unlocked. The sight that greeted him was not pretty. There was blood everywhere and Austin was at the sink, hurriedly trying to clean it up. _

"_Austin!" Dez rushed to his friend. "What are you doing?"_

"_Stop, I'm fine, Dez. Just give me a sec." Austin moved away from Dez and continued cleaning up. _

"_You are not fine, Austin. Wha—Do your parents know you've been doing this to yourself?" Dez watched in horror as Austin cleaned up the rest of the blood. _

"_Yes, of course they do. Why do you think the door was unlocked." Austin sighed and looked at Dez. _

_Dez looked at Austin incredulously. "I'm getting help, Dez. I just—I can't just quit. It takes time. I'm fine Dez. Stop worrying." Austin assured him. _

Austin remembered when he told Dez that his parents had been taking him to a rehabilitation facility, he could tell that Dez didn't really believe him. It took Austin a while, but once he finally got the words out, Dez just stared at him for a few seconds and then chuckled.

"_What? Austin that's crazy." _

"_It's true. When my parents found out, they thought therapy would be the best option. "_

"_How long has it been?" Dez asked. _

"_Since before you found out." Austin looked away, uncomfortable. _

_Dez forced Austin to make eye contact, "Has it been helping?"_

_Austin hesitated, "I-I don't know." He looked out of the window and turn back to Dez, who was looking at him disbelievingly. "I-I... N-no. It hasn't."_

Austin remembered the first time his parents wouldn't listen to him when he really needed them.

"_Please, I can't go back. It just—it _huts_. Please." Austin pleaded with his parents. _

"_Austin it's for the best. You know we love you and we would never do anything to hurt you." Mimi gave Austin a hug. _

_Mike placed a strong hand on Austin's shoulder, "Son. You have to be strong. Like your mother said, it's for the best."_

"_It isn't helping. It's making me worse. Please, I just need to stay here. Please." Austin begged, tears threatening to fall. _

"_Get in the car. We're leaving."_

Austin remembered when he made the deepest cut he ever had.

"_It's for the best," he told himself tears falling freely. "It's for the best."_

_He looked at his scarred wrist, thinking of all the things that sucked in his life. No matter how many things he came up with; school, his parents not supporting his dream, the way his friends ignored him; they all came back to one thing: him. He was awful, he deserved to die. He was poisoning the world._

_He made the final cut. _

Austin remembered when someone found him in a pool of his own blood. It wasn't either of his parents. It wasn't Dez. And he had felt so alone.

_There was a loud crash in the bathroom. John opened the door, "What's going on in here?"_

_Austin looked toward the sound, his vision already failing. _

"_What the—! HEY, I NEED SOME HELP IN HERE!" Austin smiled at John's exclamation. He didn't need to pretend to care. Austin was gone. Finally, the world was rid of him, he finally did something right. _

_Austin heard muffled voices and felt himself being moved slightly. _

"_What was he thinking?" _

"_Get another towel, NOW!" _

"_Did somebody call an ambulance?"_

"_Guys, he's fading fast."_

"_HURRY UP!"_

_Then everything went black._

* * *

Dez walked into Austin's hospital room smiling happily. "Good morning, Austin!" he greeted his best friend.

"Um, Dez, it's three in the afternoon." Austin replied.

"Yeah, I know, but I just ate breakfast, so it's still morning for me."

"What? Did you just wake up? Dez, we've talked about this. You can't keep being so lazy." Austin teased his friend.

Dez fained indignation, "I am _not_ lazy. And for information, I did not just wake up."

"Then why'd you just eat breakfast?" Austin countered.

"I like breakfast."

"If you eat in the afternoon, it's not breakfast. It's lunch."

"Not if it's breakfast."

"It doesn't matter what you eat. It's when you eat it."

"Wrong. It is one hundred percent what you eat."

"That doesn't even make sense."

"Look, that's not important. I have some news for you, Austin." Dez said excitedly.

"What are you talking about now?" Austin smiled at Dez's obvious, yet endearing insanity.

"Well, y'know how your parents are sending you to live in the rehab place full-time?" Dez asked.

Austin looked down, the atmosphere in the room immediately darkening. "Yeah," he whispered hoarsely.

"Hey, cheer up, Little Golden Toes. I've got good news." Dez could hardly contain himself.

"There is nothing that could possibly make this situation _good_, Dez." Austin said bitterly.

"Yes there is. You wanna hear it?" Dez said, milking the suspense.

"Sure. I guess you can't make it worse." Austin sighed.

"I'm going to live with you—full time—in rehab."

* * *

**Well, you guys are awesome. I'm leaving the country tomorrow, but I thought you deserve to know what's up with Austin. I'll be gone for about three weeks, with no access to the internet, so I won't be updating for a while. But I promise I'll be writing while I'm on my trip, and I'll update as soon as I get home! **

**Thanks for reading. You guys are seriously the best. **


	4. Chapter 4

**...Ahem... Well, hi guys! I'm a little late, aren't I? **

**So, I guess you deserve an explanation. But instead I'll give you a nickel's worth of free advice: When you travel to a foreign country with a large group of people, don't. Just don't. If it's unavoidable, make sure your schedule is free for the next month, because no matter how good your hygiene is, their hygiene is absolutely dreadful. You will fall prey to whatever illness they decide to nurture and let flourish inside their bodies. **

**Yeah, so basically, I got sick on the anti-penultimate day of the trip, and was sick for the next two weeks. Which isn't actually why I didn't update, because I did crazy stuff while I was sick. I was just really lazy, and it wasn't jet lag, because I am never affected by jet lag. I was just lazy, and there's no excuse for it, and I apologize. Anyway, we have a story to get back to. Now, where were we?**

**Oh yes, Dez made a rather important-to-the-story announcement. Have a blast. **

* * *

"What?" Austin stared at Dez in confusion.

Dez grinned, "I"m going to live with you at the clinic."

Austin's confusion quickly switched to concern, "Why?" he asked worriedly.

"Because I"m your friend, Austin."

"So, you don't need therapy for anything?" Austin asked, a hint of relief sneaking into his voice.

Dez looked at Austin quizzically, "No?"

"Dez, I don't need you to—"

Dez interrupted, "You're not going back alone. I'm going with you."

"I don't need your pity!" Austin spat angrily.

"Austin, stop. It's not pity, and you know it. Friends look out for each other." Dez said.

Austin looked at a loss for words. "W-well, you don't need to take such drastic measures. You could just visit. I mean, what about your family?"

Dez shook his head. "No, Austin. I've done my research. Full-time residents of St. Arnold's can only be visited once every two weeks by non-family members. The only way I could see you more is if I also move into the clinic. And my family is fine, they completely support my decision, they think it'd be good for you."

"Dez, that's ridiculous. How could you possibly move in?"

Dez shrugged, "I just had to convince the staff that my being with you is essential to your healthy recovery."

Austin gaped at him, "And just how did you do that?"

The redhead smiled slyly, "Easy. You're my best friend."

Austin frowned. It wasn't like Dez to avoid answering a question, but in light of things, he decided to let it slide. "You don't have to do that for me."

Dez looked down, "It's not for you" he muttered quietly. "I couldn't stand the thought of not being able to see you often, Austin. Like I said, you're my best friend. I need you."

Austin looked away, not really knowing what to say. He mumbled a quick, "Thanks." The two sat in a semi-awkward silence for a couple of minutes before Dez broke it with a ridiculous comment.

They enjoyed each other's company for the rest of the afternoon. A little too soon for Austin's liking, Dez announced that he had to get home for dinner.

"Well, I'm gonna leave you to pack up. You get out of here tomorrow." Dez smiled at Austin, who was sitting on his hospital bed quite possibly pouting.

Austin watched as the door closed securely behind Dez, then he glanced around the room at his few possessions that were sprawled about. He sighed, "Pack up, huh?" He grabbed his toothbrush, his stuffed hippo, a couple Cd's, a portable player, his headphones, and a change of clothes; he pushed everything back into the small box that his parents had brought his things in when they visited him. The _one_ time they visited. To tell him that they had given up on him. That they were sending him away for good.

Austin sighed heavily as he turned to face the wall. He curled into a fetal position, squeezing his eyes shut, and willing himself not to give in to his emotions. "Don't think about it. It doesn't matter anymore." Austin swallowed the lump in his throat, continuing to mumble to himself.

* * *

"Now, remember, your son is suicidal. He may not be stable, so you need to watch him carefully. Contact one of these numbers if you suspect he teetering on the edge," the doctor charged with Austin handed Mike and Mimi Moon a list of names and phone numbers.

Mike pushed the paper away, "Thank you, but that won't be necessary."

"I don't think you understand Mr. Moon. Your son's life—" the doctor began.

"No you don't understand. He's not staying with us. We've admitted him into St. Arnold's." Mike stated.

"You could give this sheet to the staff there. You should. He'll probably need the extra help," the doctor gave a quick glance to Mimi, who seemed offended by his words, "His mental state is not at all stable."

"How dare you—" Mimi began furiously. Mike raised his hand to stop her tirade.

"With all do respect, Doctor, we're his parents. We know what's best for our son. If you'll excuse us." Mike guided his wife toward their son's hospital room and away from the speechless doctor.

* * *

"Pack your things, Austin."

Austin barely spared a glance toward the door as his parents waltzed in. "I'm packed," he muttered and returned his gaze to the window.

Mike was about to rebuke his son for mumbling, but Mimi stepped forward. "Are you ready to go then, dear?"

Austin didn't take his eyes off the very dead looking tree outside his window. "I guess."

Mike snapped, "Austin! Look at your mother when she's talking to you. And stop mumbling. Get your things and let's go." he left the room angrily.

Mimi watched her husband, then she walked over to her son. She laid a hand on his shoulder and he immediately flinched away from her touch, looking equal parts hurt, angry, and repentant. "Austin, honey," Mimi said sadly, "It's time to go home. Are you ready?" She waited for Austin to respond. When he didn't she sighed and walked to the window. "I don't know what you're thinking Austin. I don't know what happened to cause all this. I don't know how to fix it, I don't even know how to help." She took him by the shoulders and looked into his eyes, "But there are people you _can_ help you. They know what to do to make it better, they know how to take care of you. Even better than your father and myself. You need help, Austin, and they can give it to you at St. Arnold's, but you have to want it. What do you say Austin? Will you let them help you?"

Austin looked away. "I don't want their help. They _can't _help me. I just, I want—no, I need to—"

At that moment, Mike stormed back into the room. "It's time to go. Now." He grabbed Austin's box and walked out again.

"We'd better get going, dear." Mimi smiled and gave her son a hug before she led him outside the hospital to their car.

Austin followed silently. He remained silent the entire car ride. He remained silent when his mother pulled him into the house and gushed, "Welcome home, Austin!" He silently took his belongings upstairs to his room. He didn't give an audible response to his father when he instructed his son to pack for the clinic. He silently packed up his clothes, his few books, all his Cd's, and his guitar. He remained silent through dinner, which wasn't hard, as his parents directed no conversation his way. He remained silent as he stared out of his window through most of the night, unable to sleep.

* * *

The next morning he looked around his room. Aside from everything that was in his duffel back, it looked the same it had a year ago. He guessed it would probably remain this way for a while. He made his way downstairs and looked around at everything he had once considered home. He didn't understand how the house had lost its sense of familiarity in a few short weeks. It saddened him, how fragile happiness was.

Austin broke his silence when he sat down to a delicious breakfast of pancakes. He smiled genuinley at his mother for the first time in a long time, "Thanks, Mom." he said to her, and he meant it.

Mimi smiled at Austin, "Of course, dear. You know, pancakes were your father's idea, he knows they're your favorite." She winked at him.

When Mike walked in a few minutes later, Austin smiled at him too, "Thank you."

Mike looked mildly surprised as he sat down at the table, but returned his son's smile, nonetheless. "Well, uh, we leave at ten. Enjoy your breakfast." Probably realizing only then that Austin was referring to the pancakes, not the rehab clinic.

Austin looked down, but his smile didn't fade completely. That's what's great about pancakes, you can't be upset while you're eating them. So Austin listened to his father, and he enjoyed his breakfast. Although the feelings of rejection were still lingering in the back of this mind, he had a newfound feeling of hope that maybe someday, someday, everything might turn out okay. And with pancakes.


End file.
